On the Path to Acceptance

This little boy was meant to be a red-haired girl. I saw it in a dream about halfway through the pregnancy. I believed in dreams and was really surprised when my baby boy was born with brown hair just like mine!

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I didn’t really believe in dreams, so much, but I believed in God. A lot.

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So, I sat by my baby boy’s bed night after night and prayed over him. It was okay- him not being a girl, and I saw my own brown eyes looking back at me. He looked like me. And, only as God can plan, my granddaughter, Tyler’s firstborn, is a little red-haired girl!

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We ended up getting baptized together- sort of. I was very pregnant when I decided to take the plunge (pun intended.) No, I really didn’t believe he was baptized because he was in my uterus when I was immersed, but you have to admit, it’s an interesting story though. I had been baptized as a baby but my parents started going to this Pentecostal church and the sermons compelled me to want to make the decision for myself. It wasn’t like I didn’t believe I was saved by the baby baptism- because I did believe. It was more like I wanted Jesus to know that I consciously made the decision on my own.

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Tyler was eventually baptized in his own ceremony when he was about 11 or 12. Tyler had gone to church with me every Sunday since he was a baby. He sat with me in adult church until I found a church that had a great children’s service. In that act he declared Jesus as his Savior.

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Tyler’s dad was an agnostic. “God can come down here and show me a miracle. Then I’ll believe.” I have a vague recollection of him being in church for Tyler’s baptism and complaining about it. I can’t think of any other reason his dad would be in a church so…

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So often now I think back and thank God I suggested the baptism. It one thing that helps me to accept. I know that my son is in Heaven and while that doesn’t make me regret a lot of our relationship, I know that he is with God and that he knows how much I love him.

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Tyler was in God’s hands all of his life. God gave him, as He gives us all, a temporary assignment in life in this world. A short time with his family, a short time with his mother. I am blessed with the knowledge that I spent more time on this Earth with Tyler than any other human being, praying with him, teaching him about God.
But I am only human and accepting is hard.

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God cared for him all of his life. Tyler carried the truths of the Lord in his heart all his life. God reminded him of this the day an unknown stranger placed a note on his windshield reminding him of God’s love for him. And at the very Home Depot that would be Tyler’s last stop months later! Tyler kept that note on his kitchen counter for who knows how long!

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Accepting is hard. He is no longer here. I don’t get to talk to him and say all those things I want to say.

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But I see “how God cared for (him) all along the way, just as a father cares for his child.” Deuteronomy 1:31

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We played “I can only Imagine” by Mercy Me at his funeral. I can imagine Tyler in front of God when he went to Heaven. And he went immediately when his head hit that rock as his car tumbled and threw his body.

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And in accepting comes “what if’s” as we explore the story we try to accept. In this case my “what if’s” include what if he hadn’t died but was severely impaired and lived now in constant pain and agony? Maybe even paralyzed?

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Instead, he danced for Jesus in heaven and is now living in eternity of love and constant joy.

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Accepting is hard, but I’m clear on my facts. I’ve checked them in the Bible every day since he died. He is free.

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