Angst

I know what it’s like to wait on important news. Haven’t we all been in that spot, waiting for the phone to ring about a new job, or waiting to hear about a loved one in turmoil? Recently I had to have a bunch of medical tests. I had gone to a cardiologist about my incredibly high cholesterol and chest pains. The doctor called my cholesterol “horrendous” and “disastrous.” It devastated me.

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I have been working on coming to terms with my leukemia and now this, another medical problem! I was scheduled for a nuclear stress test a week later. It was a very long week to wait for this test. My husband and I prayed a lot. I became anxious, panicky and even more nauseous than normal.

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During this week of angst, I was grateful for the volunteer job I have once a week at a local hospital- grateful for the busyness of it to get my mind off my worries and this horrible week of waiting. I work in the Women’s Clinic that performs mammograms and Dexa scans and my job is to be always cheerful, friendly and soothing as I show patients to the dressing rooms, and make sure they feel comfortable while waiting in the small room for the tech to arrive.

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Another part of my job is to mail letters of follow up to patients. Most of these letters are to remind patients to get their annual mammogram or to let them know the test was normal, but there are these letters in the stack that inform patients that an abnormal result occurred. The findings were inconclusive, abnormal or need additional follow up.
As I sat folding the letters and placing them in envelopes, when I came across one of the “bad” letters, it dawned on me that the person receiving this news will be worried, maybe even panicked and devastated. They would have to wait for an additional test to find out if something terrible may be wrong with them. I knew what that was like- I was feeling it that day about my own foreboding test.

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I began to pray over each letter as I folded it and stuffed it in its envelope. From the moment that letter was opened, these women would need God’s strength. I prayed they would be blessed with calm as they waited. I prayed they would get an appointment quickly to lessen the sleepless nights. I prayed that even though their minds would turn to the worst-case scenario, God would be there no matter what.

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My tests came out good. I still have this very high cholesterol but it’s being treated with medicine and I have to keep monitoring it. So, very similar to my leukemia blood tests, I have to have lipid tests regularly as well, but the prognosis isn’t as dire as I had originally thought, and I don’t need to be on pins and needles every day. Thank you, Lord!

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But I’ll never know how the follow up tests go with the women I pray for. I truly believe God is working with each of them during their journey. Through my own angst I’m called as a prayer warrior, stuffing envelopes and providing warmth and God’s love to every soul who comes through the clinic. One or two of them will get bad news and God will be there for them.

“The righteous will have no fear of bad new; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.” Psalm 112:7

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